“You need to feel the fear!”
 
Or so Joey and Chandler tell Rachel in Friends when she says she’s sick of working as a waitress and wishes she could get a job in fashion. They say that as long as she has that job, she doesn’t have the motivation to go out and get the job she really wants.
 
Watching this episode got me thinking about confidence, and about how sometimes we need the right set of circumstances to push us forward.

I’m a ‘feel the fear’ type of person. I do my best work under pressure (especially when I’m skating too close to deadlines) and some of the best things I’ve done are the ones that I crapped myself doing, or when the clock has been ticking and I’ve not had time to talk myself out of it. The magic happens for me when I’m pushed forward by circumstance, or other people who believe in me – even if I don’t.
 
Over time I’ve got better at generating that ‘fear’ myself – stepping forward before I think I’m ready, and speaking out when I’d normally stay quiet – but it does take work!
 
I’m not saying for a minute that you should quit your job – no way – but if you’re feeling held back somehow, think about what it is that you want to achieve and why you feel like you can’t. I know external factors play a part in this but, when it comes to building the confidence to deal with these, that’s down to us.
 
Confidence is a fluid thing and, in order to understand how to tap into it, it’s useful to spend some time unpicking the reasons why we feel that we can’t or shouldn’t do the things that we really want to.
 
Reasons may include…

• You don’t believe that you’re capable of it.
• You feel that the goal is too big, or unachievable.
• You’re worried it won’t work, won’t be good enough or will go wrong.
• You’re not naturally outgoing or assertive or [insert other appropriate adjectives!]
• You’ve had some bad experiences in the past and you don’t believe this time will be any better.
• You’re worried about what will happen if you do it; what people will say or think about you.

Understanding what’s holding you back is the first step to moving forward; whatever your reason is, ask yourself what you can do to create the momentum you need.

So…
  
What’s your goal?
What’s stopping you?
What’s the one action that you feel ready to take?
 
You don’t have to be a ‘feel the fear’ type of person to create momentum – it might be that you need to take smaller steps, or to unpick some of that negative self-talk, until you’re left with logic instead of doubt.

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Appeared in: Education Executive Magazine (@edexec)